mercoledì 24 aprile 2013

Always put yourself in other people's shoes

Just a quick anecdote about today. I was at school, last 20 mins. of class with the kids. It's a nice afternoon and I decide, first time at all throughout the year, to take them out and let them play freely. It's just 3 of my usual 6 kids to look after. However, I ask the boys to play soccer close to me on the cemented area to keep an eye on them. The girl is safely engaged in a table football match nearby. I see the boys' moms are already there and have a quick exchange with them.  I decide to take a good spot in the sunlight and watch the kids play. Unfortunately, the girl's mom arrives right then and starts talking to me. I take a few minutes to answer her questions and have a little chat, out of simple courtesy. Right behind me, one of the boys falls and hurts is knee. Nothing serious, just a scratch. However, his mom is already beside him and she's quite agitated. She's angry with me and is accusing me of not looking after her child because I was busy doing my own thing. Although I doubt she'd be attacking me this way if I'd been talking to her in the meantime, it's useless to point out I was answering another mom's questions, because I was actually responsible for her child as she says. Furthermore, it was I who had insisted with the kids for playing in a cemented area rather than in the garden, where I usually go with them, and this just to keep a better eye on them. It was the first time in my life I felt sympathetic with someone. Although the lady was clearly overreacting, she had a point. If I had been the mom, I'd have had exactly the same feelings, or very similar ones at least. I don't know if I would have said what she said, but I can understand sometimes people need to let off some steam, so I think she just got her chance and took it, simple as that.  I excused myself with her, said she was right and it was my fault. She calmed down in a few minutes and said there were no hard feelings and I can tell she was sincere.
I am sorry for what happened, and, despite all of the possible excuses I could come up with, I simply put myself in her shoes and understood her pain and frustration. I reckon it's hard to do this when you're  the one to blame. The easiest reaction is to protect yourself, to find excuses and come up with a suitable answer. But I am a mom now, and that child could be mine. I won't crucify myself for what happened - because nothing serious really happened - but I won't underestimate the power of motherhood in such matters. In this case, it was the only reason why I had enough lucidity to behave properly. I am not going to say I am proud about that, although I am certainly grateful. I had the chance to do the right thing and, despite the disadvantage of being on the wrong side, I managed to solve things positively for everyone involved. I intend to use this experience as a good reminder for any similar future situation. Guess it might definitely come in handy. Again, motherhood IS new state of mind.


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